When you've gotten used to a diet of this--cute little boy--taking his first steps, babbling through the pages of board books, splashing in the pool, tossing balls back and forth--there are going to be withdrawals when you switch to a diet of spending your days with...cute little teenagers?
I've been back at work for two weeks--happily back at work really. I've got great classes, great students, I'm more prepared than I've ever been, and the school administration is in favor of common sense.
It didn't hit me how much I missed my little boy until I couldn't reach him. Brandon's mom was watching him--which is a huge blessing, no doubt. But she didn't return my call and took Penn to Abingdon. I waited an hour and a half, trying to busy myself, until she called or brought him home. It's not that I thought anything bad was going to happen to him, but I missed him terribly, and with only one hour left to see him before bedtime by the time she dropped him off, I was not happy. I was trying to be nice, but I was shaking when I asked her not to keep him out late. What kills me is that she acted like everything was fine, and that I was the one with the problem. Maybe she thinks that she's doing me a favor, and sure, I can see that. But I also think that she really has no clue what it's like to have to work and to miss your baby and not be able to see him. She does whatever she wants, and her son, my husband, lives five minutes from her. Well, I ended up calling to apologize.
It's funny, how with the mother-in-law, or the whole in-law domain, I've spent the years of my relationship with Brandon trying to respect the idiosyncrasies of their relationships. I haven't spent too much time trying to stake out my own relationships with them because it just seems so complicated. I have spent my time avoiding conflict. It takes a lot for me to say what I'm really feeling to the people in his family. But I've got to stake some clearer boundaries with when it comes to my baby...The reality is, his family is my family, and it's my responsibility to look for common ground, to find a way to truly love them. Truly loving them will probably involve more conflict--more risk than I've been willing to wager--but it's not just my life we're talking about.
So, it's the weekend, and I'm going to enjoy seeing the little guy. I'm going to follow him around the house, watch his discoveries, and help him grow. I'm going to make the time I have with him count, and I'm going to carry those memories with me through the week.
